Life is a roller coaster. It lifts is up. And drops us down. It throws us for a loop. And makes us think we are screwed. But the ride keeps going, round and round. How do we live to our fullest potential? And create a better world? And make an honest living in this society? These are the questions I ask myself on a regular basis.
Graduating college is an abrupt shift. We go from a magnificent place where we learn to think critically, question constructs, and see the flaws within society. And the minute we graduate, we are thrown into the “reality” that we have for so long questioned and criticized.
So you go from this kid reading Geertz to an “adult” (as deemed by Western culture) pouring coffee and writing about weddings to pay off your loans. All the while you want to figure out how you can sustain a living and change society. This is something I struggle with A LOT: the balance between going for your dreams and wanting to change society alongside the tie between trying to pay off your loans and working within the system that you distrust (student loans are most definitely a way of ensuring that we maintain America’s working class).
It is pretty easy to get trapped into the social thinking that you need to do X, Y, and Z to live a good life. We get so caught up in the day to day and what our lives look like from the outside. We navigate through the world as if it is a game that we think we can win. But the truth is no one makes it out alive. While you are on this earth, it truly does not matter what house you live in or what care you drive. Because in the end, we all die. No matter where you live or what you do, we should strive to enjoy our time here and with the people in our lives. And leave the world with something that you would like someone to return to.
All too often I trap myself in critical thinking. Out of fear of crossing those lines of belief, I allow my thoughts to lock my body in a cage . When do you need to simply act? And when do you need to take a step back? I have a hard time believing anything as entirely good or entirely bad (which I suppose speaks to the duality of this world), but that makes it really hard to do anything. I feel very fearful of saying yes to the things I do not believe in and scared that I will allow social pressures of making a living to blind my vision for creating change. But both negatives and positives are inevitable. How do I hold a balance of pursuing my creativity and connecting through compassion to stimulate change? The scary thing is, I know that I can and will do it. I just have to keep going and not lose sight of the light at my core. Work hard. Be patient. All is coming.
At twenty-two, I am trying my hardest to figure out a way to sustain myself in an intentional way. And I am not so sure how. But for now, I think I might start with words from a page.